I’m humored at the inconsistency of my own thinking and the quick changing of my desires from one thing to another. One thing I can say I have confidently held on to is my passion… I suppose I’m just trying to find where it belongs and how it should look in my day-to-day life. There was a pretty significant time recently where I was utterly convinced that the Lord was preparing me to go overseas for an undefined amount of time. I had arranged these thoughts to fit right after undergrad when I would have the free time that I thought was necessary to peace out of America…
But things are different now. For a reason I don’t quite know I have feelings I just don’t understand. I can’t define it. I just know that there is something inside of me telling me I must stay. I know the something is really Someone and I know it’s conviction and not just fleeting feelings.
More than ever before I feel like the Lord is commanding me to stay in America. I have battled Him on this issue time and time again. I want to go! And yet every time I hear Him say, “Wait. Be still. There is still work in this country that I have designed you for.” I’m still trying to discern what that is and how it will look and where it will be. But I do know that I won’t be content until it’s all complete. I’m going to be restless as long as I am not doing the things He has asked of me. I’m realizing that I would indeed be discontent overseas because there is more to be done right here. Right now. With what I have and who I’m with.
He has revealed that there is unfinished business. I will not- and for that matter I cannot- stop until I do all I can by His grace and in His name to get it done.