Maybe these thoughts are not too far off from the ones that I have recently been sharing, and I’m sorry if I get a little redundant. I think (actually, I know) that the Lord usually has to tell me the same thing several times before I really get it. I’m a slow learner and I’m trying real to hard to change that and listen intently the first time He speaks, but it’s a process.

Two summers ago when I was reading through the Bible I stumbled upon a verse I had not yet read. And if I had read it I somehow must have had a lapse in thinking because it seemed new. Anyways, this verse literally brought tears to my eyes, as it often still does. It talks beautifully of the power of God’s word.

Jeremiah was in the midst of serious persecutions and was being rebuked by the people who God has sent Him to. In fact, in chapter one of this book Yahweh tells Jeremiah that no one is going to listen to him, but that he should keep preaching anyways. Not the best job description if you ask me… But faithful Jeremiah went anyways. At the time he wrote this verse he was basically questioning whether or not it was worth the trouble, worth the hatred that he was receiving. He was complaining to the Lord about the trouble he was facing, then this is what he says,

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name,’ His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.”

Woah. Friends, I don’t always feel that way about Yahweh’s words. More often than not I am all too content keeping my little mouth shut tight as I pass people daily who are likely going to die and spend eternity apart from my precious Savior. Is there a fire there??

At the beach today I was walking out of the water and I met eyes with a woman who smiled at me. My very first thought was, “She needs Jesus. You have Jesus. Share!” As I walked past her she asked about a jelly fish in the sand and that led us into a 30 minute conversation about life and religion. Samantha and I just listened as she told us of the places she has been and the ways that she has been hurt. She was so open and so longing to just talk to someone. We got to share with her the truth of the gospel and the simplicity that’s found in just believing in Jesus. He is life.

His word is a fire in my bones that I often quench. Today, I let some out, but I have a long way to go and a lot to learn.

I don’t quite know what has ever made me think that life in America will satisfy my heart. To think that I could live my life in a pretty little world and never long to go and tell the nations about Christ kind of breaks my heart. Why are we okay with that? Why do we think that the command to “Go and make disciples” doesn’t include us? Why do we think that we will be his witnesses HERE instead of “to the ends of the earth” like He said in Acts 1:8? How can I know and process the fact that billions of people are living and dying without ever hearing the name of Jesus Christ? What’s even worse is that I’m okay with it! I haven’t been moved to drop out of college and move to Africa. Well, I’ve thought about it…

It’s hard for me to balance the thought of completing my education and getting a degree instead of just getting out there. Who needs a stupid piece of paper? I know this thinking is borderline irrational, which is why I haven’t yet acted on it. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to receive a Christian education and use that to serve the Lord in the future. But sometimes it’s too much for me. People are dying RIGHT NOW and I’m sitting in an air conditioned house. And I have the fan on. I’m using my cell phone and typing on my personal computer. What is wrong with me?

Man. I feel like I’m all over the place, and I know that I am. But God is stirring something in my heart and I’m not quite sure what to do with it. What about the people that never hear the name of Jesus? They live and die just like us but are without hope. They’ll someday die (as millions before them have) and they’ll stand before a Lord they never knew. I’ve often wondered what they’re going to say and what their eternal outcome will be. “God will give them grace for having never heard, right?” I hate both components of the new answer… They are still sinners and still receive the punishment for that.. more so, it was MY responsibility to tell them. I’m going to have to answer the Lord on their behalf because it’s my fault they’re not hearing!!!!

I just want to go. I don’t really care where. And I don’t care for how long. I just wanna tell the world about my Savior and my Best Friend. And I want to do it until I die. Until I finally meet the Lord and hopefully hear those precious words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

I pray your heart is challenged as much as mine has been.